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My Gift of Infertility

Hello again, summer!

Where do I even begin?

My last post on this blog (read it here) was dated January 22 – my wedding anniversary – and reading it all over again I remember the mix of emotions I was feeling at that time. I was in the midst of preparing for my IVF transfer at the Zouves Clinic in San Francisco, and I was anxious, nervous and scared.

I also felt helpless and completely NOT in control, which was difficult for me. You see, all my life when I wanted something, all I had to do was work for it. It may not always have been easy, but it’s always been that simple. So having to face the challenges of IVF, where nothing is certain, no matter what you do, how hard you try, or how much money you have, has been nothing short of a personal baptism of fire, and one I had to tread alone.

Being poked and prodded comes with the territory of IVF

Alone, despite the fact that I was with my loving husband and my family, and despite the fact that I had strong support from good friends who were constantly cheering me on and praying for me. Really, I’m so grateful. Especially to those I didn’t even personally know, who felt compelled to reach out to me and help a stranger, by way of kind words of encouragement, just because they read my story.

Yet even if I had all these people around me, I knew that nobody else could really fathom the depths of my fear and frustration, and nobody else could understand exactly what I was feeling — not even other women going through IVF – because each person’s experience is different.

But as the days got closer to my procedure, I started to feel a great sense of peace, and I think that change in me happened when I decided to write about it and (finally) fully acknowledge what I was going through.

When I decided to open up my heart and put it out there in the public sphere so that my story could inspire others.

When I realized that my painful experience could be transformed into one of beauty and purpose.

The one and only photo I was able to take the day of my procedure. All smiles because: NO FEAR, JUST FAITH.

At that turning point, my daily prayers changed. I stopped praying for the baby that I thought would make me happy, because I realized I was already happy, and I had so much to be happy about. Instead, I started giving thanks to God for the GIFT OF INFERTILITY – because it changed me and gave me an enlightened perspective on what it really means to live and to love.

So I published my story on January 22. I did my IVF procedure on February 4…and guess what? I found out I was pregnant on February 14, which henceforth, has become the best Valentine’s day of my life — and this despite the fact that I couldn’t order red wine 😉

Our best Valentine’s ever 🙂
Double date with my parents, celebrating the results of my pregnancy test 🙂

Now it’s the last day of June, at the cusp of the one year anniversary of our ‘baby journey’, and by God’s grace I’m about to enter my 24th week of pregnancy.

It’s summer once again, just like when I first arrived in July last year, except now so many things are different,

Brighter days ahead

and the days seem much, much brighter ahead.

Love,

Celine

32 comments

  1. Nikki says:

    Beautiful story Celine! May you continue to find happiness and positivity in all of life’s adventures ❤️

  2. Anton DR says:

    AMAZING! Congrats to you and Matt! Can’t wait to congratulate you both in person and meet the little one. Keep inspiring 🙏🏽 God bless!

  3. Miel Mapa-Sadhwani says:

    I’m so happy for you two.. and your baby will also be blessed with amazing parents ❤ wishing you and Matt the best!!! 😀

  4. Shen Cala-or says:

    What God out us through, He will see us through. In all the days I’ve known you I knew you can do anything. Thank you for sharing your experience and uplifting the hearts of many women than there is a gift in infertility. Much love to you and hub! Take care and can’t wait to see the baby! Why do i feel you already have name for her or him? Hehehe!

    • Celine says:

      Thank you, Shen! So touched you read my blog 🙂 And I’m glad you liked it. We are having a girl…and with regards to her name…well, that shall be another story to tell 😉

  5. Marie says:

    So proud of you Celine and so happy for you and Matt. I love your blog, you are a real inspiration to others. I can’t wait to meet your little one and to see you. Hopefully real soon! Take care & lots of love, Tita Marie

    • Celine says:

      Thank you so much for reading my blog, Aunty 🙂 I’m really happy you enjoyed reading it. I hope you can continue to keep us in your prayers. Still quite a few more weeks to go. But yes, looking forward to seeing you and the rest of the family, hopefully sooner rather than later. Please give my love to everyone xx

  6. Karlo says:

    You’re gonna make an amazing mom, Cel! And Matt … You the man, daddy-yo!! Marga and I can’t wait to meet your daughter! Our kiddos are excited too! Keep praying and keep inspiring!

  7. Romina Gonzalez says:

    I didn’t know! Such a beautiful, warm and inspiring piece of your journey. So happy for you and let’s touch base soon.

    • Celine says:

      Thanks for reading it, Romina 🙂 I’m jahe you read it though coz I’m sure I had a few grammatical/punctuation errors in there somewhere hahaha! But yeah, that’s my story haha! That’s why I’ve been away for a year and why I’ve been ping-ponging between Vancouver and SF these last couple of months. So happy we were able to have dinner! But yes, hopefully another one soon?:) Would love to have a proper catch up. Hope you’re feeling better and more mobile 🙂

    • Celine says:

      Thanks so much, Jill! Thanks for reading it and for being there for me when I was nervous and anxious 🙂 Grateful for friends like you xx

  8. Sasa Montinola says:

    Inspiring story Celine and what a blessing for you and Matt. Miracles do happen. Wishing you the best in your new role as mom!

  9. Maye Yao Co Say says:

    Hi Celine,
    I really admire your faith-full perspective on your beautiful journey. Take care always.

  10. michelline says:

    Congratulations Cel! Truly happy for the both of you. You guys are gonna be the coolest parents ever! 😎🥂🍾

    • Celine says:

      Thanks for reading my blog, Mich! And thanks for being happy for us. Please keep us in your prayers ok?:) Hope all is well with you, too xx

  11. Eliza Santos says:

    Congratulations, Ms. Celine! You give me hope and make me believe that God has a perfect plan for all of us and that everything happens at the right time. 🙂

  12. Martin Valdes says:

    Finally got around to perusing your blog, Cel. You write with a serene cadence and it is refreshing to share an experience offered with such vulnerable authenticity. I think I would come off as pedantic if I gushed in platitudes about how wonderful it has been, so I won’t. But I will say the journey so far has been a sharpening of the senses, as if the days and evenings are a whetstone against which we hone our personas against. But after all the friction and the sparks and the emotions and the hormones, its really the silence which breathes loudest in the womb of night; when it’s just you, and just Matt, and just her… Enjoy 🙂

  13. Elaine says:

    Hi Celine, just wanted to congratulate you on your pregnancy and wish you well in your baby journey! I read your post in January while I myself was 3 months pregnant and struggling and complaining about the enormously trying first trimester symptoms. Reading your post really humbled me and put things in a whole new perspective. I realized that so many women have difficulty with conceiving yet, like you, they handle their situation with so much grace. I prayed to be the same. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability, it’s really inspiring. 🙂

    The rest of my pregnancy and now caring for a newborn has basically taken over my life that I only now found out that your IVF was successful when I saw your Instagram! We may not know each other personally but I am very happy and excited for you! I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful mom. I wish you and your husband well on the homestretch of your pregnancy and God bless! 🙂

    • Celine says:

      Thank you so much for reading my blog and for the well wishes, Elaine! I’m also very happy to hear that your pregnancy went well 🙂 Appreciate all your kind words and it makes me feel good to know that I inspired you in some way. I hope I can continue to do so. Cheers to you, your newborn baby and here’s to many more blissful days ahead for you and your family.

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