I’m sure some of you have noticed that I haven’t been posting much on my blog these last few months, and it’s not because I haven’t wanted to – I mean, how can I not? I’ve been away from Manila for almost 6 months now, and as you’ve probably seen on my Instagram feed, I’ve been having a lot of fun re-exploring San Francisco and my beloved Vancouver. Really, there’s so much to write about.
And yet, I haven’t been able to because in my heart I have a much bigger story to tell, and I think it needs to be told first.
So how about we take a look at the other side of #cgltravels, shall we?
The truth is, my ‘vacation’ hasn’t all been a bed of roses. In fact, quite literally, there have been some pricks from sharp thorns in the shape of injection needles that my doctors, nurses and my own husband have had to administer.
Amidst all the “roadtrippin’ and piggin’” we’ve been enjoying, there have also been visits to an infertility clinic in San Francisco where we have been seeing one of the best specialists in the world.
Did you know that the stress levels of people who suffer from infertility are equivalent to those of people with cancer? I read that little piece of trivia somewhere as my circumstances have forced me to do the research. And unfortunately, when it is ‘unexplained’ (like ours), it makes it that much more difficult.
All our tests from two different countries suggest that nothing is wrong, which probably sounds like good news right? But in our case, it makes it even more frustrating because when there are no reasons, it’s even harder to find the solutions.
So, at this point, I really, really, REALLY just have to thank God for giving me a great (and slightly twisted) sense of humour, and the ability to see the good in every situation. It is this gift of an unwavering positive spirit that has truly given me the strength to soldier on.
I’ve often heard from women around me, how giving birth has been their most life changing event; how having a baby expanded their worlds and their hearts to a size immeasurable, and how they are no longer the same person having looked into the eyes of their own child.
I believe them.
And how I also wish that that could be my own story.
Instead, my path has been different. But I have to say that I, too, am no longer the same person. And I, too, have had my world and my heart expand, because a journey through infertility will really do that to you. Whether you like it or not, it will push your boundaries of comfort and painfully test you emotionally, physically and spiritually in ways you can never imagine, unless you yourself are going through it, which I fervently hope you’re not.
But if you are, then I want you to know that this post is dedicated to you, because I wrote this piece in case somebody out there is going through what I’m going through, except maybe not feeling as strong, or as hopeful, or as loved. And I hope my story will comfort you and perhaps trigger in you a deeper sense of faith.
Last but not the least, this post is also dedicated to my love, Matthew, because it’s our wedding anniversary, and because we’ve come so far, and it makes me so proud that we’ve been able to get through this, not only hand in hand, but also with a smile and a chuckle. Indeed, this is probably what our elders meant when they told us marriage is a LOT of work, and now the vows we made to each other, on this day 6 years ago, have never felt more real and more sacred.
6 months ago, we closed our eyes and jumped head first into the greatest of all our adventures,
and though the road has been very long, the journey has certainly been beautiful.